I’m not a religious or spiritual person but I see many similarities in internet blogging and old fashion praying. Both are sent out into an unknown space in a hope of communicating with a higher being whose opinion is valued, has all the answers and the ability to provide assistance in times of doubt. Both are done with the faith someone, somewhere, will take the time to pay attention and pick up what is being put down.
So regardless how you found this, your God or Google, thank you for taking the time to read to this point and please consider that ultimately we are all responsible for our own behavior.
Dear celestial being who has been tasked to watch over me.
I’m writing this to apologise for making a hard job harder. I don’t know if you are there or if you will see this but on contemplating how to thank you for your patience so far, I came to the conclusion the internet is the modern place to put a message out to you.
Guardian angel, whoever you are, why did you pick me? Was it a matter of job allocation or is free will a factor in who you listen to and encourage through life?
At this present point in time I’m leaning towards your thinking watching over me is a cruel form of punishment for you. For this I am deeply sorry and want you to know I am trying to do the right thing in the storm that is life.
This storm has meant I have let a lot of the things that are important to me slide as a tsunami of heart breaking, life changing, experiences have swept away the world I was used to. I have been remiss with my acknowledgement of you and I am sorry. I have been overwhelmed with the number of voices wanting to be heard and doubted if mine was important but I do believe the value of a simple thank you should never be underestimated.
I’m led to believe you observe my every move and guide my path through life with good intentions but I have to confess I find this a scary thought and just a little voyeuristic. I don’t have anything to hide but still; everyone needs some alone time sometime.
Having said that the thought I am not alone in this world is comforting and for this I thank you.
If I have your role in my life correct you have watched me charge forward with total determination as well as freeze with total fear of what lays ahead. At times, I could almost feel you banging your head against a brick wall as pure stubbornness was the only reason I’ve pushed lost causes to the same disappointing results over and over again. I like to write that off as being optimistic if I can please.
I’ve often chosen the road less travelled and a lot of the time listening to my heart has won out over what was the logical choice. I don’t know if you have guided me in these decisions or not but I don’t regret journey so far.
Are you the little voice inside my head that screams “use tack, use tack” every time my mind doesn’t filter what is coming out of my mouth? I bet those are always head wounding moments for you too. Sorry.
In conclusion dear guardian angel, I do apologise for the tough working conditions I put you under as much as I appreciate your company along the way. Thank you for your persistence.